literature

Excerpt from Veranderde

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Zaehlas's avatar
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Literature Text

Veranderde – Book 1 – Excerpt

Joshua woke up as the lights came on, his neck stiff and his body still aching from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position.  He started to stretch out but then heard the loud click of footsteps echoing through the room.  He curled into the fetal position out of instinct, his whole body shaking as he did everything he could not to sob uncontrollably.

He was certain with how the clicks sounded that it was the red-haired woman doctor.  She didn't visit as often, but when she did she was nice at least.  Not like the others.  He didn't want to take any chances however, and stayed curled up, his ears perked up and listening carefully.

Joshua heard the soft beeps of one of the computer interfaces being manipulated followed shortly by a soft sliding sound very close to him.

"Time to eat." The doctor's voice echoed through the room.  Her footsteps echoed again until they faded to nothingness on the other side of the lab door, its opening and closing nearly silent.  Joshua tried to relax, still trembling slightly.  Breathing deeply, he took the chance to quickly look around the lab after a few minutes.

It appeared as though he was alone.  He glanced over to the side of his cage even though he knew what he would see there.  Two bowls, one filled with water, the other with his first meal for the day.  He slid himself over to the bowls, still lying down, and lifted the water bowl to drink.  His ears stayed perked up, listening for any unfamiliar sounds while his tail curled around his legs.  The fur on his tail was starting to lie back down now that he really was relaxing.

Tears still streaked the fur on his face dark, but he didn't wipe his face or eyes when he set the water bowl back down.  It wouldn't make a difference as he had no mirror to check his appearance anyway.  Joshua thought back to the last time he had seen his own reflection as he lifted a piece of raw meat from the other bowl and started chewing.

Every day when he woke up he prayed that the nightmare would be over.  Joshua had not been counting the days trapped in this lab, but he was sure that it hadn't been more than a week or two.  It was so hard to tell without being able to see sunlight, or a clock.  The people in the lab never answered any questions or even talked to him like he was a normal person.  Tears started to well up again.  The change itself had started right about when school did.  So, when he thought about it, it was only a month or so since he had attended his first day of fifth grade.

Since he had been human.
This is an excerpt from something I am thinking of working on. This is original fiction.

The main thing I'm worried about this if anything like this has been done before. I've read tons of books, but I'm sure the story I have in mind is unique. I can expand a little on it, but I'd like to get honest opinions of what it seems like to a first time reader without giving away spoilers.

I'm hopiong there isn't, somewhere out there, some darn story that is exactly like what I have in mind.

**EDIT -- I didn't like how the last paragraph was, so I changed it. It's not as "awkward" now, imho. I also made a minor change to line up more with my now modified timeline.
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DetectiveToony's avatar
What? It doesn't continue? D8
The last sentence leaves me wanting more. The way you wrote it, it makes the reader want to figure out what exactly happened to this young lad.

I like it so far. :] I'll admit, at first I also thought of a connection between this and the Maximum Ride series, but the only difference I find is that the MR characters are still part human in a way. So I'd love to learn more about your story.

And just because great minds think alike doesn't mean they're copying one another.